The Robots are Running the Joint

You know how every once in awhile, there’s a news story with a video of a polar bear or a panda going nuts because the zoo decided to give it a cake made out of fish or bamboo for its birthday? You watch that video and there’s a bunch of people watching and they think it’s hilarious, meanwhile the animal’s just freaking out and excited. WELL the people watching those bears are Koreans and the bear diving into the cake is me! I swear, after living in Korea, I no longer have any yearning whatsoever to be famous. NONE! I’m not sure if it’s the change in weather and no one’s focusing on the heat anymore BUT I have been noticing INTENSE stares from people all week! Stares are normal here, but these are on another level! It’s like they’re trying to count the hairs on my head or they know I’m secretly sleeping with their husband… Walking into a room, grocery shopping, stepping onto the subway- this is all you see:

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AND I kid you NOT, at least 8 people are just…

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It’s intense. Staring right back does absolutely nothing. There’s no shame in a Korean’s stare game  -____-.

Anyways, it’s been a while since I’ve posted because I’ve been under the weather and going to appointments and struggling with my new work schedule and I finally have access to HULU, HBO GO, and American Netflix, so there’s been lots of work to be done! I wanted to dedicate today’s post to one of my new co-teachers. I mentioned in my last post that one of new co’s is super boring and pregnant and a nightmare. For the purpose of this blog, I have decided to give her the nickname of Agent Kay, not to be confused with the perv-y Mr. Kay from my earlier days in Korea.

Agent Kay… I don’t know where to start. I guess I’ll tell you that I call her Agent Kay because I believe she’s an AI that somehow escaped from the lab and is posing as a teacher. The problem is, she wasn’t given too many human characteristics and she DEFINITELY wasn’t given the right traits to work with children! Kay was originally programmed to be a cool piece of furniture that could maybe spew out some cool facts about nature if you press her fake nose or something. But now that I’m stuck with her, I’ll try and explain why she is so, so awful.

To start, Kay calls me to her office every Thursday so we can plan for the next day. But, no matter what I propose for the lesson, she has a reason she doesn’t want to do it. Basically, she already has all of her lessons planned out and she only asks me as a formality. I could say an activity that she actually has planned and she would still say no and then just tell me the same thing. Another weird thing about our meetings is that she always freaks out before lunch or after lunch to remind me about our meeting. I usually get back to my desk only to find an email, an instant message, a text, and a pigeon bashing its head against a window, waiting for me to let inside so it can give me a scrap of paper that says, “Meet my in my office. It’s upstairs. Do you remember?” I’m not kidding- she sent me that same message like two weeks ago… Anyways, our meetings are always a pain in the ass and so unnecessary.

Another reason that teaching with her is unbearable is because she’s boring. She is dry toast. No flavor, no surprises, nothing. If I even mention a fun activity, she does this weird Korean wince and it’s as if I told her that washing your hands after going to the bathroom is something you should do EVERY TIME. Instead, she plans 4-5 activities to fill our 40 minute classes. Now this may seem like a good idea- switching activities every once in awhile HAS to kill time, right? WRONG. It’s awful because you know EXACTLY how much longer class is going to be because you know what’s coming next. I have class with her for 5 hours straight, pretty much. I dread this time with her so much that I actually thought I gave myself a stomach ulcer!

Teaching with her is awful  because she is very competitive. She races me to pass out papers  -____-. One day, it was so bad and I was so pissed, that I actually slowed down and handed the papers out one by one so she HAD to wait for me to finish before she could start the lesson. And she almost died laughing because I handed out ONE extra paper. When the student came up to give us the extra copy, she was practically falling out of her chair. Both of the times she let me plan an activity, the students LOVED it and she tried to commandeer it! She really tried to make it seem like she was a fun person and was wilding out in class, yelling out very dry “woo-hoos!” and putting her arms up in fake cheers. So weird.

Finally, she stares at me CONSTANTLY. Sometimes she does this because she wants me to do something- say “bye” to the students or get something in place for the next activity. Once I noticed the constant staring, I started doing weird things. I would just randomly stare out the window, or I would suddenly look at something on the ceiling just to see her yank her head up fast as hell for no reason…the little things….

Agent Kay has quickly become the worst part of my job. She’s even worse than Lord Voldemort if you can believe it! At least with Lord Voldemort, we all know she’s evil, but Kay has yet to confess to being a robot. Super rude of her…. I’m just waiting for winter vacation like…

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Last week made 7 months in Korea and I am getting closer and closer to the finish line! I’m looking into what’s next and am so excited for a change! Korea’s still a great place to be, but as I’ve said before, visiting a place and actually living and working there are two different things! Agent Kay is also pregnant, which is kinda scary because it means there’s other robots living among us or she has a genetically modified whoo ha and that’s something I’m gonna stop thinking about this VERY MOMENT. As always, if you think I’m over reacting, that’s fine. You are entitled to your wrong opinion. We all are. God Bless America.

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